Polar vortex? At this point, let’s just call it winter. For many of you reading this, it’s really, really cold outside. And for those of you in places like L.A., San Francisco, and Atlanta, your Facebook feeds are full of friends in cold places complaining that it’s really, really cold outside.
Now, we have tons of hunts in snuggly-warm museums all over the country—but you still have to go outside to get there. We’d just as soon the days get warmer and longer, and the folks in these paintings really, really agree.
1. Country Doctor (Night Call), Horace Pippin
What’s up, Doc? Oh, you’re more miserable than anyone has ever been, ever? Looks like it!
2. January, Grant Wood
The Shining, fine art style.
3. Moon After Snow at Ryogoku, Utagawa Hiroshige
Girl, your Burberry shawl isn’t fooling anyone—it’s hecka cold out there.
4. The Passage of the Delaware, Thomas Sully
Sure, the man who built America felt neither cold nor fear, but we guarantee you every single other living creature in this painting would prefer a beach in Cabo.
5. Snow Shovellers, Jacob Getlar Smith
That one guy in the center is just, like, “Snow. Again. I can’t even, you guys.”
6. Mooring Lines, the Effect of Snow at Saint-Cloud, Alfred Sisley
Legit, our fingers froze to the keyboard just looking at this.
7. Mannikin in the Snow, John Singer Sargent
No way you’re staying warm in that…I’m sorry, is that a chicken suit? What is happening right now?
8. Washington Square, Everett Shinn
Five bucks says that guy on the bike wipes out in 3…2…1…
9. Sioux Indians on Snowshoes Lancing Buffalo, George Catlin
“Hey, I’ve got a good one: It is Sioux, Sioux cold, you guys.”
10. Route to Versailles, Louveciennes, Camille Pissarro
“Hey, I’ve got a good one: Versailles-yi-yi, it’s freezing out!”
11. Love of Winter, George Wesley Bellows
Love of winter? Liar. If they could they’d hide inside with Netflix and hot chocolate until April.
12. Waterfront Brooklyn, Harry Shokler
You think your commute’s bad? Try schlepping to the docks in 1934. Through eight feet of snow. Uphill both ways. With no shoes, probably.
13. The Continentals, Frank Blackwell Mayer
“Phil, I think this flute’s stuck to my lips.”
“Steve, I think my foot fell off inside my boot.”
14. Lovers Walking in the Snow, Suzuki Harunobu
Love shall keep us warm.
Yeah, I don’t think so, buddy;
I’m going inside.
Worst. Snow Day. Ever.